I wanted to make a point early on with this record that there is a lot that women feel and experience outside of what exists in their romantic relationships. My songs on the first album were a means to survive the immediate, and my songs on this album have been a journey in learning how to take up space and thrive in the long term.
What Do I Want? started as a love letter to my songwriting and turned into something else entirely, which happens a lot - I try to let the song lead me. It touches on my never ending nostalgia, difficulty with decision making and paralyzing anxiety over making the wrong choice. There have been times where I’ve been so overwhelmed by what to do that I’m unable to make a decision until someone else makes the choice for me. I think part of that comes from being a woman; we’ve been conditioned to doubt our capability, afraid of confidence coming off as arrogance. A lot of this album touches on the challenges that stem from marginalization and learning how to exist in this world without apology or guilt. I initially had made a demo of this on the piano but when we went in to record it we knew it wouldn’t fit with the rest of the album stylistically. We decided to start from scratch, changing the key so it felt unfamiliar and starting with that pulsing synth bass line. I wanted the song to feel chaotic and distracting, like a panic attack trying to be tamed into focus.